Christening

so it's about goddamn time i started this thing up. i suppose i should give this a proper intro, a good "hello, the fuck are you?" beginning, right?

let's get this straight: i'm a horrible person, reprehensible, irredeemable. fucking cunt, if you will. i whine, i bitch, i'm spoiled as all hell to a certain, lenient degree, and i'm overdramatic. and i'm not green. i mean, i love the theory, trust, it's just that mr. clean is sooo much cheaper than that natural scrub shit that smells like boiled bark with a dash of au naturale rot.

now that most formalities are out of the way and i've apparently kept [attained] your interest since you are, in fact, still reading . . . hello. how are you? fabulous. mm, me? fine. swell.

i won't bore you with basics (i'm a virgo, which by stereotypical zodiac standards makes me hypercritical of every goddamn detail and person in my life, including, most importantly, me and OCD in every other facet), but i will bore you with nearly all of my everyday occurances. i'm a failed writer so some entries will appear to be fiction, but are in fact true yet exaggerated events. others will be written avant-garde. all will be honest. i leave the discernment solely up to you, should you still be interested.

so welcome. grab a drink (i strongly recommend one heavily adulterated with alcohol), relax. and try not to be fucking offended.